ARRGGHH !

Yes, scream it loud amir. Just let it go and throw all the pain inside your heart away. You dont deserved to be like this. This is just not you. You're totally different than this. You are way better than this. So get up now Amir.

I am motivated myself. To be a better person than now. Been under pressured with emotionals, sadness and all the problems around me. sometimes I asked to myself, "This is what I really am?". being such a totally different from who I really am, i think that is the most pathetic and worst behaviour of mine.

Easily to ignore anything that happen around me and didn't really care about someone else who actually care about me, that is just unforgivable. That is Amir and he is the unforgivable sinner. Or this is what we call EGO? Yes, i think it could be better yet I think that it is. I am such an ego person, and I admit that myself.

Someone usually asked this question to me"Amir u sihat? Dah makan? How's your day?". And I answered, "Ok je". That's it? Personally, I think that is rude enough. And this is what I've set in mind, and this is why I became such an ego person. "Do I care about you?", "Do I care if you hate me because I didn't treat you nicely?", "Do I care if you dont want to talk to me anymore?" "Just go fuck yourself". This is the right or a better way to get out from the misery? No.

Do I have a way to solve this things and fix myself yet change myself to be a better person? Or is it better for me to stay like this, the same ego and rude Amir like you know me before? Or why do I have to change? Is it for everybody but not me? Lord, help me find the answer. I even can't help myself to be what I want to be.